Stephen B. Henry

When we look at a certain object, a painting for example – we will not be able to appreciate what is in it, what is painted and what else goes with it if the painting is just an inch away from our face. But if we try to take it a little further, we’ll have a clearer vision of the whole art work.

We reach a point in our life when we are ready for change and a whole bunch of information that will help us unlock our self improvement power. Until then, something can be staring us right under our nose but we don’t see it. The only time we think of unlocking our self improvement power is when everything got worst. Take the frog principle for example –

Try placing Frog A in a pot of boiling water. What happens? He twerps! He jumps off! Why? Because he is not able to tolerate sudden change in his environment – the water’s temperature. Then try Frog B: place him in a luke warm water, then turn the gas stove on. Wait until the water reaches a certain boiling point. Frog B then thinks “Ooh… it is just a bit warm in here”.

People are like Frog B in general. Today, Anna thinks Carl hates her. Tomorrow, Patrick walks up to her and told her he hates her. Anna stays the same and does not mind what her friends says. The next day, she learned that Kim and John also abhors her. Anna does not realize at once the importance and the need for self improvement until the entire community hates her.

We learn our lessons when we experience pain. We finally see the warning signs and signals when things get rough and tough. When do we realize that we need to change diets? When none of our jeans and shirts would fit us. When do we stop eating candies and chocolates? When all of our teeth has fallen off. When do we realize that we need to stop smoking? When our lungs have gone bad. When do we pray and ask for help? When we realize that we are gonna die tomorrow.

The only time most of us ever learn about unlocking our self improvement power is when the whole world is crashing and falling apart. We think and feel this way because it is not easy to change. But change becomes more painful when we ignore it.

Change will happen, like it or hate it. At one point or another, we are all going to experience different turning points in our life – and we are all going to eventually unlock our self improvement power not because the world says so, not because our friends are nagging us, but because we realized its for our own good.

Happy people do not just accept change, they embrace it. Now, you do not have to feel a tremendous heat before realizing the need for self improvement. Unlocking your self improvement power means unlocking yourself up in the cage of thought that it is just the way I am. It is such a poor excuse for people who fear and resist change. Most of us program our minds like computers.

Jen repeatedly tells everyone that she does not have the guts to be around groups of people. She heard her mom, her dad, her sister, her teacher tell the same things about her to other people. Over the years, that is what Jen believes. She believes its her story. And what happens? Every time a great crowd would troop over to their house, in school, and in the community – she tends to step back, shy away and lock herself up in a room. Jen did not only believe in her own story, she lived it.

Jen has to realize that she is not what she is in her story. Instead of having her story post around her face for everyone to remember, she has to have the spirit and show people I am an important person and I should be treated accordingly!

Self improvement may not be everybody’s favorite word, but if we look at things in a different point of view, we might have greater chances of enjoying the whole process instead of counting the days until we are fully improved.

Three sessions in a week at the gym would result to a healthier life, reading books instead of looking at junk movies will shape up a more profound knowledge, going out with friends and peers will help you take a step back from work and unwind.

And just when you are enjoying the whole process of unlocking your self improvement power, you will realize that you are beginning to take things in stride and become happy.

Sometimes, when all our doubts, fears and insecurities tie ourselves up in a knot, we come up with the idea of I wish I was somebody else. More often than not, we think and believe that someone or, rather, most people are better than us, when in reality, the fact is most people are more scared than us.

You spot a totally eye-catching girl sitting by herself at a party, casually sipping on a glass of Asti Spumanti. You think to yourself, she looks so perfectly calm and confident. But if you could sift through her actual thoughts, you would see a bunch of dark clouds and you might just be amazed that she is thinking are people talking about why I am seated here alone? Why do guys not find me attractive? I do not like my ankles, they look too skinny. I wish I was as intelligent as my best friend.

We look at a young business entrepreneur and say, whoa, what else could he ask for? But that same pereson stares at himself in the mirror and murmurs to himself, I hate my big eyes. I wonder why my friends will not talk to me. I hope mom and dad would still work things out. He has problems too.

It is funny. We look at other people, envy them for looking so outrageously perfect and wish we could trade places with them, while they look at us and thinks of the same thing. We are insecure of other people who themselves are insecure of us.

Charles Horton Cooley, an American sociologist at the start of the 20th century, said, I am not who you think I am. I am not who I think I am. I am who I think you think I am, a statement which helps to capture the complexity of our own identity.

We suffer from low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence, and lose hope in self improvement, all because we are enveloped in quiet desperation.

Sometimes you discover that you have an irritating habit or two, and you, of all people, were the last to know.

I have a friend who never gets tired of talking. And in most conversations, she is the only one who seems to be interested in the things she has to say. So all of our other friends tend to avoid the circles whenever she is around. She does not seem to notice how badly she became socially handicapped, gradually affecting the other people in her environment.

One key to self improvement is to LISTEN and TALK to a trusted friend. Find someone who you find comfort in opening up with even the most gentle topics you want to discuss. Ask questions like, do you think I am ill-mannered? Do I always sound too argumentative? Do I talk too loud? Does my breath smell? Do I ever bore you when were together? and listen, really listen, to their answers.

In this way, the other person will obviously know that you are interested in the process of self improvement. Lend your ears for comments and criticisms and do not give answers like, Do not exaggerate! That is just the way I am!

Open up your mind, and your heart as well. And in return, you may want to help your friend with constructive criticism that will also help them improve themselves.

One of Whitney Houston’s songs says, Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all. True enough. In order to love others, you must love yourself first. Remember, you cannot give what you do not have.

Before telling other people some ways on how to improve themselves, let them see that you, yourself, are a representation and a product of self improvement. Self improvement makes us better people, we then inspires other people, and then the rest of those around you will follow.

Stop thinking of yourself as a second-rate being. Forget the repetitive thought of, If only I was richer. If only I was thinner, and so on. If only are the worst two words in the English language!

Accepting your true self is the first step to self improvement. We need to stop comparing ourselves to others only to find out at the end that we have got ten more reasons to envy them. We need to look to ourselves first.

We all have our insecurities. Nobody is perfect. We always wish we had better things, better features, better body parts, etc. But life need not to be perfect for people to be happy about themselves.

Self improvement, and loving yourself, is not a matter of shouting to the whole world that you are perfect and you are the best. It is the virtue of acceptance, contentment, and gratitude. When we begin to improve ourselves, we then begin to feel contented and happy.

Everything that happens to us happens for a purpose. And sometimes, one thing leads to another. You just have to figure it out and follow it through. Instead of locking yourself up in your cage of fears and crying over past heartaches, embarrassment and failures, treat them as your teachers and lessons they impart will become your tools in both self improvement and success.

I remember watching Patch Adams – it is my favorite movie, actually. It is one great film that will help you improve yourself. Hunter “patch” Adams is a medical student who failed to make it through the board exams. After months of suffering in melancholy, depression and suicide attempts – he decided to seek medical attention and voluntarily admitted himself into a psychiatric ward.

His months of stay in the hospital led him to meeting different kinds of people. Sick people for that matter. He met a catatonic, a mentally retarded, a schizophrenic, and so on.

Patch found ways of treating his own ailment and finally realized he has to get back on track. He woke up one morning realizing that after all the failure and pains he has gone through, he still want to become the a doctor. He carries with himself a positive attitude that brought him self improvement and success.

He did not only improved himself, but also the life of the people around him and the quality of life. Did he succeed? Needless to say, he became the best damn doctor his country has ever known.

So, when does self improvement become synonymous with success? Where do we start? Consider these tips:

• Stop thinking and feeling as if you are a failure, because you are not. How can others accept you if YOU cannot even accept yourself?

• When you see hunks and models on TV, think more on self improvement, not self pitying. Self acceptance is not just about having nice slender legs, or great abs. Concentrate on thye inner beauty that makes you the better person.

• When people feel so down and low about themselves, help them move up. Do not be drawn down with them. They will pull you down further and both of you will end up feeling inferior. Your calling is to help others.

• The world is a large room for lessons, not mistakes. Do not feel stupid and doomed forever just because you failed on a science quiz. There is always a next time. Make rooms for self improvement. Allow it to draw you forward.

• Take things one at a time. You do not expect a black sheep to be a goody-two-shoes in just the snap of a finger. Self improvement is a one day at a time process. Played out over several days it can have amazing results.

• Self improvement results in inner stability, personality development and, get this: SUCCESS! It comes from self confidence, self appreciation, and developing self esteem. Find your passion and put it to work on your behalf.

• Set meaningful and achievable goals. Self improvement does not turn you to be the exact replica of Cameron Diaz or Ralph Fiennes, or whomever you see as a role model. It hopes, and aims, to result in an improved and better you.

• Little things can mean BIG things to other people. Sometimes, we do not realize that the little things that we do like a pat on the back, saying Hi or Hello, greeting someone with a Good day, or saying something like Hey, I love your tie!, are simple things that mean so much to other people. When we are being appreciative of beautiful things around us, and of other people, we also become beautiful to them.

• When you are willing to accept change and go through the process of self improvement, it does not mean that everyone else is. The world is a place where people of different values and attitude hang out. Sometimes, even if you think you and your best friend always like to do the same thing together at the same time, they may be likely to decline an invitation for self improvement.

We should always remember that there is no such thing as an over night success. As Eddie Cantor put it, “It takes years to make an overnight success!” It is always a wonderful feeling to hold on to the things that you already have now, realizing that those are just one of the things you once wished for. A very nice quote says, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. We are all here to learn our lessons. Our parents, school teachers, friends, colleagues, officemates, neighbors, they are our teachers. When we open our doors for self improvement, we increase our chances to move forward on our own journey of success.

The basics of setting a goal is an open secret known by top-caliber athletes, successful businessmen and businesswomen, many coaches, and all types of achievers in all the different fields. The basics of setting goals give you short-term and long-term motivation and focus.

Goals help you set your focus on the acquisition of required knowledge and help you to plan and organize your resources and your time so that you can get the best out of your life.

Setting clearly defined short term and long term goals will enable you to measure your progress and achieve personal satisfaction once you have successfully met your goals.

Charting your progress will also enable you to actually see the stages of completion leading to the actual realization of your goals. This eliminates the feeling of a long and pointless grind towards achieving your goal.

Your self-confidence and level of competence will also improve as you will be more aware of your capabilities as you complete or achieve your goals.

The basics of goal settings will involve deciding what you really want to do with your personal and business life and what short term and long term goals you need to achieve it. Then you have to break down goals into the smaller and manageable targets that you must complete in your way to achieving your lifetime targets.

Once you have your list waste no time in tackling your goals.

A good way to have a manageable list is to have a daily and weekly set of goals. By doing this you will be always in the position of going towards you life plan goals. Everyday will give you the opportunity to fulfill a certain goal giving you the feeling of accomplishment.

Here are some pointers that should be taken into consideration in setting goals and achieving them.

• Attitude plays a very big role in setting and achieving your goals. You must ask yourself if any part of you or your mind holding you back from completing your simplest goals? Is there any part of your behavior that is being a hindrance or putting your plans into disarray? If you do have problems in these areas then the immediate thing to do is to address each problem. Solutions may include a visit to a doctor or a check in with a therapist, or scheduling a session with a coach or mentor, all depending on the nature of your issue.

• Careers are made by good time management practice. Failing in a career is often attributed to bad time management. Careers require a lot from an individual which often makes the career the life of the individual. Plan how far do you want to go in your career.

• Education is key in achieving your goals. If your goals require you to have a certain kind of degree or require a certain specialization or demand a certain skill to be developed, make plans in getting the appropriate education. Always be committed to learning your craft.

• Your family should never be left out of your plans. If you are just starting out then you have to decide if you want to be a parent or when you want to be a parent. You also have to know if you really would be a good parent and how well would you relate to extended family members

• Personal financial situations also play a major role in achieving your goals. Have a realistic goal on how much you really want to earn. You also must be able to create plans or stages by which you will be able to reach your earning potential. Money is not the goal. What you can do with the money is.

• Physically gifted individuals may be able to achieve sports related goals like being in the National Basketball Association or National Football League. Determining your physical capabilities should be one of your priorities. Physical limitations could however be conquered with proper planning and being realistic in which field you choose to position yourself.

• As the saying goes -‘All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy’, or something to that effect, is by all means true down to the last letter. Giving yourself a little pleasure: should be included into your plans.

To start achieving your lifetime goals, set a quarter of a century plan, then break it down to 5 year plans then break it down again to 1 year plans, then 6 month plans, then monthly plans, then weekly, then daily.

Then create a things-to-do list for each day. It is often best to create this list just before retiring for the night. It will be ready to get an early start when you wake up.

Always review your plans and prepare for contingencies. Remember, set your goals in concrete; draw your plans in the sand. If you do not reach your goal, do not change it. Change your plans, your strategies, instead.

The basics of goal settings should not be so difficult once you get to be familiar with them.

When you hear the word coach, what comes first into your mind? Do you picture a basketball team with a man/woman shouting out directions? Or perhaps a football team with a man/woman pacing to and fro and calling out the names of the players?

Coaching is no longer reserved to sports teams; it is now one of the key concepts in leadership and management. Why is coaching popular?

Coaching levels the playing field.

Coaching is one of the six emotional leadership styles proposed by Daniel Goleman. Moreover, it is a behavior or role that leaders enforce in the context of situational leadership.

As a leadership style, coaching is used when the members of a group or team are competent and motivated, but do not have an idea of the long-term goals of an organization. This involves two levels of coaching: team and individual.

Team coaching makes members work together. In a group of individuals, not everyone may have nor share the same level of competence and commitment to a goal. A group may be a mix of highly competent and moderately competent members with varying levels of commitment. These differences can cause friction among the members.

The coaching leader helps the members level their expectations. Also, the coaching leader manages differing perspectives so that the common goal succeeds over personal goals and interests. In a big organization, leaders need to align the staffs’ personal values and goals with that of the organization so that long-term directions can be pursued.

Coaching builds up confidence and competence.

Individual coaching is an example of situational leadership at work. It aims to mentor one-on-one building up the confidence of members by affirming good performance during regular feedbacks; and increase competence by helping the member assess his/her strengths and weaknesses towards career planning and professional development.

Depending on the individual’s level of competence and commitment, a leader may exercise more coaching behavior for the less-experienced members. Usually, this happens in the case of new staff members. The direct supervisor gives more defined tasks and holds regular feedback sessions for the new staff member, and gradually lessens the amount of coaching, directing, and supporting roles to favor delegating as competence and confidence increase.

Coaching promotes individual and team excellence.

Excellence is a product of habitual good practice. The regularity of meetings and constructive feedback is important in establishing habits. Members catch the habit of constantly assessing themselves for their strengths and areas for improvement that they themselves perceive what knowledge, skills, and attitudes they need to acquire to attain team goals.

In the process, group members attain individually excellence as well. An example is in the case of a musical orchestra: each member plays a different instrument. In order to achieve harmony of music from the different instrument, members will polish their part in the piece, aside from practicing as an ensemble. Consequently, they improve individually as an instrument player.

Coaching develops high commitment to common goals.

A coaching leader balances the attainment of immediate targets with long-term goals towards the vision of an organization. As mentioned earlier, with the alignment of personal goals with organizational or team goals, personal interests are kept in check.

By constantly communicating the vision through formal and informal conversations, the members are inspired and motivated. Setting short-term team goals aligned with organizational goals; and making an action plan to attain these goals can help sustain the increased motivation and commitment to common goals of the members.

Coaching produces valuable leaders.

Leadership by example is important in coaching. A coaching leader loses credibility when he/she cannot practice what he/she preaches. This means that a coaching leader should be well organized, highly competent is his/her field, communicates openly and encourages feedback, and has a clear idea of the organization’s vision-mission-goals.

By vicarious and purposive learning, members catch the same good practices and attitudes from the coaching leader, turning them into coaching leaders themselves. If a member experiences good coaching, he/she is most likely to do the same things when entrusted with formal leadership roles.

Some words of caution though: coaching is just one of the styles of leadership. It can be done in combination with the other five emotional leadership styles depending on the profile of the emerging team. Moreover, coaching as a leadership style requires that you are physically, emotionally, and mentally fit most of the time since it involves two levels of coaching: individual and team.

Your members expect you to be the last one to give up or bail out in any situation especially during times of crises. A coaching leader must be conscious that coaching entails investing time on each individual, and on the whole team. Moreover, that the responsibilities are greater since while you are coaching members, you are also developing future coaches as well.

What Really Makes You Tick? What follows are 10 questions you should ask to yourself as a preparation for self-improvement

Be all you can be, but it is not always in the Army. I often see myself as somewhat contented with my life the way things are but, of course, it is hard to think of anything else when where are real issues to be embraced.

Still I aspire for something deeper and more meaningful.

So we are all pelted with problems. Honestly, it should not even bother or even hinder us in becoming all we ought to be. Aspirations as kids should continue to live within us, even though it would be short-lived or as long as we could hold on to the dream. They say you cannot teach an old dog new tricks. Or can you?

1. What do I really want?
The question of the ages. So many things you want to do with your life and so little time to even go about during the day. Find something that you are good at can help realize that small step towards improvement. Diligence is the key to know that it is worth it.

2. Should I really change?
Today’s generation has taken another level of redefining ‘self’, or at least that is what the kids are saying. Having an army of teenage nieces and nephews has taught me that there are far worse things that they could have had than acne or maybe even promiscuity. So how does that fit into your lifestyle?

If history has taught us one thing, it is the value of the life that we have gone through. Try to see if partying Seventies style would not appeal to the younger generation, but dancing is part of partying. Watch them applaud after showing them how to really dance than break their bones in break-dancing.

3. What’s the bright side in all of this?
With so much is happening around us there seem to be no room for even considering that light at the end of the tunnel. We can still see it as something positive without undergoing so much scrutiny. And if it is a train at the end of the tunnel, take it for a ride and see what makes the world go round!

4. Am I comfortable with what I’m doing?
There is always the easy way and the right way when it comes to deciding what goes with which shoes, or purse, shirt and whatnot. It does not take a genius to see yourself as someone unique, or else we will all be equally the same in everything we do. Variety brings in very interesting and exciting questions to be experimented.

5. Have I done enough for myself?
Have you, or is there something more you want to do? Discontentment in every aspect can be dangerous in large doses, but in small amounts you will be able to see and do stuff you could never imagine doing.

6. Am I happy at where I am today?
It is an unfair question so let it be an answer! You love being a good and loving mom or dad to your kids, then take it up a notch! Your kids will love you forever. The same goes with everyday life!

7. Am I appealing to the opposite sex?
So maybe I do not have an answer to that, but that does not mean I cannot try to find it, though. Whether you shape-up, change the way you wear your clothes or hair, or even your attitude towards people, you should always remember it will always be for your own benefit.

8. How much could I have?
I suppose in this case there is no such things on having things too much or too little, but it is more on how badly you really need it. I would like to have lots of money, no denying that, but the question is that how much are you willing to work for it?

9. What motivates me?
What motivates you? It is an answer you have to find out for yourself. There are so many things that can make everyone happy, but to choose one of the may be the hardest part. It is not like you cannot have one serving of your favorite food in a buffet and that is it. Just try it piece by piece.

10. What Really Makes You Tick?
So? What really makes you tick? You can be just about anything you always wanted to be, but to realize that attaining something that may seem very difficult is already giving up before you even start that journey. Always remember, that self-improvement is not just about the physical or philosophical change you have to undergo, but it is something that you really want.

Self awareness is a difficult skill to master. There is a reason so many people go to therapy to help them with this diagnostic skill. However, for the mindful person it is just a matter of practice.

Take note of your moods during different times of day. Write down your mood at different intervals. Pay attention to what you were just doing and what you are about to do. Note things like the weather outside and the type of food you are eating. This process will take a few weeks but the more specific your notes, the more precision in the outcome.

You might find that you really are not the morning person you imagine yourself to be. Or that a particular food makes you tired. It could be as simple as that afternoon program you love sucks all your energy.

Knowing your moods is key to conquering them. This will keep you from emotional eating or taking out frustrations on a loved one. Do not let your emotions control you, control them instead.

If doing a particular task takes you four times as long as somebody else, it might be a simple lack of focus. Find what works for you and make it happen. For example, if you are motivated by a sales goal then put pictures of what you will purchase with the money around your office.

If you are motivated by accomplishing tasks than use a pie chart to illustrate the work that needs to be done. Then, at set intervals erase pieces of the pie until it is completely empty.

It might just be a matter of distractions. Do not play music while you work. Turn the ringer off the phones. Do not sit in front a window if you are distracted by the cars going by.

Working smarter, not harder, is about peak performance and peak focus. When you are working at your peak you get more done in less time. Leaving you time to do more of what you love.

It has already been mentioned that regular exercise will help you sleep. So will maintaining a regular schedule. It can be tempting to live without an alarm clock but your body will soon fatigue of a relaxed lifestyle. Sure vacations can be energizing but too much of anything can be unhealthy.

Optimize your energy by having a set schedule. Set aside time for sleep, time for exercise, time for work and time for eating. This will keep your body in peak performance level. As you become more and more disciplined in your routine you will be more sensitive to what your body is telling you. When you are more sensitive to your body you will know the difference between hunger and thirst for example.

And when your body is getting what it needs, you will have more than enough energy to accomplish anything that comes your way.

Even workaholics need down time. It is important to schedule and be realistic about the downtime you need. Most people these days are practically tethered to their devices/computers. This is both unhealthy and unproductive. Find a way you can walk away and enjoy yourself from time to time.

If you are the kind of person that can keep your head down for hours at a time then go for it. Be sure to get out of the house in the evening or on weekends and enjoy your time off. If on the other hand you would rather work longer days and have breaks throughout, then work that way. The key is to work how you want. Just be sure to schedule downtime so your batteries get recharged.

The most important aspect of down time is to truly be away from work and obligations. This is why scheduling downtime is so important. It allows you to truly relax without worrying about what you are missing.